Sometimes we make choices in life that changes our whole story. We are not where we used to be, and at some point you feel like you got lost living someone else’s life. I miss the person who I used to be. Have you ever been completely split between wishing you had never met someone and wishing you could re-meet them again and do everything differently?
It all seems fun at first, you broke out of your routine and you feel brand new. Then you realize that dreams can’t last forever. Sometimes leaving behind everything you have known for something new is not worth it.
Most nightmares come dressed as a dream, at least for me it did. I found myself believing this is where I was supposed to be. That maybe this was a blessing in disguise. The most toxic things can be the most addicting. Blinding you, believing lies and making up excuses for everything that hurts you.
The worst is when everyone can see how you are falling apart but you cannot see it yourself. People always tell you to not get burned by the same flame twice, but what do you do when you numb the pain? I put everything aside, my goals, my ambition.. I lost myself trying not to lose him. I invested myself into an idea, into fake promises that were only spoken, but never made. The thought of him kept me alive but his actions made me insane.
I don’t think it ever stops hurting, giving someone all of you and watching them chose someone else. Now I realize it is not my fault for giving up. Sometimes you just have to let go even if you don’t want to. Never let anyone make you feel less than what you are worth. I admire those who chose to shine even after all the storms.
If you are reading this I hope you find the strength to get through whatever it is that is causing you pain….and thats a good lesson to learn in life. Let go and let your heart be free.
PC: My mom with her android phone.