I have been lost, but I have found myself. There was a point when I thought I had to be a certain type of person to do what I loved. I thought that I had to fit in this category of people around me. I was doing things that were not me. I was going to places where I did not fit in. I was a fish out of water.
Don’t get me wrong, I got many opportunities that I am grateful for. But I felt it was only because I was portraying someone that was not me. I was hiding myself because I was intimidated by those around me. I wanted to fit in and be liked. I thought that maybe if I dressed a certain way and acted a certain way then I would be successful. I have ink on my skin that I was ashamed of because I felt I was not professional enough. People don’t look at your personality first. People judge you automatically by your looks and then try to get to know you.
I was stuck. I was not growing. I was getting nowhere. I was losing passion for what I loved. Suddenly everything that I was passionated about seemed more like a chore, and I got tired. My blog became more of a pawn for brands, and people to shit their stuff on. It took me going through so much in my personal life to find myself again. To realize that I should stop letting others control me and use me.
I am Mayra. I am not your girl next door. I am not the gorgeous blonde in a sundress. I am not the outgoing social butterfly. I am not the girl with a pink blog or a pretty Instagram feed. I am not the girl that makes it seem that everything is glitter and sunshine. I am Me.
I am the girl who wears men clothes in all shades of black. I am the girl who is obsessed with conspiracy theories and paranormal stuff. I cannot give you tips on fashion or makeup because I will only be lying to myself. I am not perfect… I am the girl who is insecure in her own body, that is awkward and shy. I am me, and I love that. All I can do is share with you my imperfections and show you that you are not alone.
I will no longer hide myself. I will no longer limit myself on what I share or post for the fear of not being correlated in my social media. I will no longer affiliate links or work with companies or attend events that don’t fit my aesthetic. I will no longer allow myself to become a face of something that everyone controls. I want to represent me and the things I love.
I feel sad honestly. I would tell those around me to embrace themselves when all I ever did was hide myself from others. I may not fit in with those around me that do the same things that I do. And its okay. Because being a fashion blogger, a beauty blogger or a lifestyle blogger doesn’t mean you have to be a specific type of person. It doesn’t mean that you have to look a certain way. As corny as it sounds I will march to the beat of my own drum and see where it takes me.
I am crazy. I am weird. I am insane. sometimes it takes getting lost to find yourself. Let’s meet again. Hi, My name is Mayra and this is MY blog.