Note To Self

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I need a gangsta
To love me better
Than all the others do
To always forgive me
Ride or die with me
That’s just what gangsters do

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To the guy I loved before,

I never really understood why, but I hope you and I are exactly where we want to be. I know this is for the best. We were toxic to each other, and we needed to break up so we could grow up. I hope that you are the best version of yourself now, or at least on the right path to being the great guy you’re destined to be. Despite all the lies and broken promises, I forgive you. There is a part of me that still misses you, sometimes you cross my mind at the most randomest of times; when I see a funny meme, or hear the song we used to sing. Nothing could ever change what you did to me. Even though you showed me a new world you burned it down and left me there to die. Even though you never said sorry, I forgive you, but I could never be with you again.

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To the one I’ll end up with,

I have been lied to, cheated on, manipulated, and abused. Please do not expect me to trust you right away.I hope that you’d understand my insecurities and assure me that you are mine. I tend to get jealous; not that I don’t trust you, it’s just that I am afraid to lose you. I am afraid of losing someone that I love, I am afraid of getting hurt. If you are not ready to deal with my fears and insecurities, then don’t waste our time. However, I want you to come at the right time because I don’t want to give you the burden of healing me. you deserve so much more than that.

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Note to self,

You are going to fall in love. One day. It could be a few years from now. Or maybe tomorrow. Next week. Or who knows when. You are going to make yourself believe in love again. Because you are not as cold as ice as you would like to think. You are a product of combined heartaches, growing wisdom, and optimistically naive. Don’t let one bad experience change your out look on life. There is someone out there, you are young, and there is still a whole world left for you to explore. Take each day as it comes don’t rush.

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3 thoughts on “Note To Self

  1. spookieloo says:

    *grabs tissues* I promise I’m not crying as I read this, while waiting at the bank. This is so my life right now, I love how you said “Don’t let one bad experience change your out look on life.” I’m definitely having to take those words to heart. I’m experiencing some major life changes, but I know things will get better with my growth and time.

    Liked by 1 person

    • May says:

      Life sometimes throws rough times our way and its usually at the most unexpected or inconvenient times. I know you are strong, Your light will shine brighter than ever when the darkness clears, stay strong. ❤

      Like

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