Control Freak

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Haven’t been in front or behind the camera for a few months and I am happy to slowly start doing the things I love. I am slowly trying to break out of my “stuck” feeling — let me just say it has not been easy.

There has been points when I wonder if I will ever accomplish my goal or if I am even good enough at what I love to do. Sometimes I even feel like I didn’t work hard enough. There has been plenty of emotional breakdowns, it is even hard for me to get out of bed on some days. People around me keep telling me it has only been a month and usually it takes years to get your life together. Years to get the career you always wanted or something similar.

I am afraid.

afraid that my dreams will just remain dreams. That everything I worked so hard for will remain in vain — that I will never surpass this debt I have put on myself.

I keep trying to convince myself that it is all in God’s timing. I keep chanting my favorite biblical verse every time I begin to feel anxious.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

 

Maybe they are right, maybe I am being over dramatic.

Every time life is not going according to plan I feel I want to give up. My passion was always driven by those who mocked me as a dreamer.

I refuse to remain a dreamer.

8 thoughts on “Control Freak

  1. Tia | Pennies In My Pocket says:

    I think we have all been there. At times I think I am still there. The challenge for us all is to not let the fear paralyze us like it often does or else those thoughts will become reality. You are totally able to accomplish your dreams and see your vision become reality. I cannot wait to see you do it!

    Like

  2. Brooke Gehringer says:

    Hey,
    I just came across your blog and this was the first post I happened to read, and I can relate like craaaazy. I’m a blogger and photographer, plus a recent college grad and I feel so lost and afraid. I’m in a job I hate just to pay the bills and not currently able to fully pursue my dreams of going back to school, plus my goals of starting up my blog again that I’ve ignored for almost a year. It can be so hard to see through the fog that there is a light at the end, especially when you feel like your identity is so connected to your job and the things you create, but just stay optimistic and keep pushing though and things will get better! Well, hopefully 🙂 Just wanted to stop by and say that you’re not alone ♥

    Liked by 1 person

    • Mayra says:

      I know it is extremely hard. You are an amazing talented girl, I want to pursue you to try to get back to blogging and make times to do the things you love on the side. Don’t give up your dreams I know we all have to make the grown up decision of having to settle for a sucky job to pay bills, but it doesn’t mean you have to completely give up what you love. I am constantly trying to keep pushing myself because I still have hope. We can both get through this! ❤

      Like

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