Haven’t been in front or behind the camera for a few months and I am happy to slowly start doing the things I love. I am slowly trying to break out of my “stuck” feeling — let me just say it has not been easy.
There has been points when I wonder if I will ever accomplish my goal or if I am even good enough at what I love to do. Sometimes I even feel like I didn’t work hard enough. There has been plenty of emotional breakdowns, it is even hard for me to get out of bed on some days. People around me keep telling me it has only been a month and usually it takes years to get your life together. Years to get the career you always wanted or something similar.
I am afraid.
afraid that my dreams will just remain dreams. That everything I worked so hard for will remain in vain — that I will never surpass this debt I have put on myself.
I keep trying to convince myself that it is all in God’s timing. I keep chanting my favorite biblical verse every time I begin to feel anxious.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Maybe they are right, maybe I am being over dramatic.
Every time life is not going according to plan I feel I want to give up. My passion was always driven by those who mocked me as a dreamer.
I refuse to remain a dreamer.